If you aren’t getting the support you need from other people, Dr. Albers suggests turning inward. Remind yourself that situationships end for a lot of the same reasons more formal romantic partnerships end: Somebody’s needs aren’t being met. Hanging on to a situationship that’s no longer serving you can prevent you from finding a romance that will.
“Take the time to pause,” Dr. Albers recommends. “Maybe do some journaling reflecting on the pros and cons of your situationship. Think about what you learned, what you gained and what you’d want to avoid in the future.”
Mindset is key. “Really look at the situationship as a learning experience and not a mistake or failure,” she continues. “Understand it instead as just one aspect of your relationship history.”
If situationships are becoming a pattern
Most of us have experienced a situationship or two (or 10) at some point in our lives. In fact, some argue that they’re the modern form of courtship. They make sense for a lot of us and can be a lot of fun during certain chapters of our lives.
But that’s not true for everybody. And – depending on what you’re looking to get out of your romantic relationships – finding yourself in situationships over and over again might be a source of concern.
If situationships are becoming a pattern, Dr. Albers says it might be worth working through why with the help of a therapist.
“Situationships are often connected with having an avoidant attachment style,” she explains. “People with avoidant attachment styles are often reluctant to get close to others. ”
If you have an anxious attachment style, the opposite is true. And you probably aren’t enjoying all these ambiguous relationships. According to Dr. Albers, people with an anxious attachment style look for reassurance and clarity in their relationships.
So, why would a person with an anxious attachment style end up in a situationship? Continue reading
