After receiving a number of emailed questions from Betrayed Spouses, it occurred to me that there is an issue out there that I haven’t read much about: When your Wayward Spouse claims to want to save the marriage, has ended the affair, but does not show or state real remorse for what they did. It can be enraging and confusing.
And if the cheating spouse doesn’t see it that way, you’re marriage is done
When your spouse isn’t showing any outward displays of guilt such as these, it may be particularly upsetting because it seems to show a lack of sympathy, caring, or remorse, and has you thinking he or she is likely to repeat the experience once you calm down and some time has elapsed.
You may wonder how you can fix a relationship where the cheating spouse doesn’t appear to really “own” the wrong he or she has perpetrated
I see it on blogs and message boards too – Former (or current) cheaters who absolutely feel justified in what they did or are doing and indicate no remorse. Curiously, they are mostly female cheaters (which is a different subject). I had one write me and told me that she regretted being caught, but did not regret the affair. And why? Because she said that since most marriages experience infidelity, that she “expected” her husband to do it (but to her knowledge has not), and therefore, it didn’t seem so bad that SHE did it. Really? I was a bit stunned by this illogical justification for spousal betrayal. But she was quite certain that she did not regret the affair. Fair enough. People have different points of view, that’s for sure.
That being said, certainly I have read about lots of female Betrayed Spouses stating in absolute anger and frustration that their cheating husbands have shown zero remorse for their affairs too. But that aside, how can this be? How can one try and save a marriage and not outwardly show remorse for the affair? Continue reading
