Lessons for any divorced woman on how to sever bonds with their ex-husbands
Your divorce decree is only step one in moving into a new life after divorce. The real divorce is the cutting of the emotional, mental, and physical ties that still bind you to your ex-husband. This is the real work of divorce recovery: becoming a single woman possessed of confidence, self-esteem, an enthusiasm for life, and most important, a complete break from the emotional turmoil that led to your divorce in the first place.
All too often, women experience the same conflicts with their exes that originally led to divorce: constant arguments, reactive behavior leading to emotional upsets, old patterns of reliance, the barrage of destructive barbs aimed at your self-esteem, and deep hurts. To be truly divorced, you must put forth great effort and inner work that will sever your ties to your ex, and you must build a structure that will facilitate that work.
Let me give you examples: You and your ex have children together; therefore you must be in contact with one another on a regular basis. Unfortunately, your discussions with him always end in an argument. Nothing happens easily. The deep resentments and hurts suffered in your marriage and divorce remain intact. You each know each other’s hot buttons and continue to push those buttons, resulting in upsets. It’s the old e. You continually get sucked into this abyss.
The Real Divorce: Cutting the Emotional Ties that Bind
If this is the case, you know that you have not divorced on an emotional level. You are an ex-wife, as opposed to a divorced woman. Somewhere inside of you is still an attachment of some sort to either your marriage or your ex. Continue reading
